Who is Happiness – “I’m asking you who’s on first.” “That’s the man’s name.” “That’s who’s name?” “Yes.” “Do you have a doctor?” “Yes.” “Who?” “Doctor Who.” “Who?” “Doctor Who.” “Doctor Who.” “Yes” “Your doctor is Who?” “Yes.” “You don’t want who on second?” “Who is on first base.” “I don’t know.” “Third base!” (together). Who, what, where, when, and why. I remember learning about nonsensical questions in high school, perhaps it was in philosophy, perhaps literature, and it was asked to our developing and easily impressionable minds whether it was possible there was no meaning to the question ‘Is the sky blue?’ What a thought to have to contemplate in high school! And to have also read Turgenev. So more than a decade later, I asked “Is blue octagonal?” And around the group everyone answered yes or no. As the questioner, I responded last to my own inquiry. See we were playing something called the Philosophy Game. You asked a philosophy question to the group and in clockwise order everyone would response either yes or no. No elaboration was allowed, unless you spent a point to ask someone to expand upon their answer or you spent a point to pontificate on your own question. No one asked me to expand. Why? I wondered. Afterall, it’s a game where the questions are made up and the points don’t matter and nothing matters. And “Whose line is it anyways?” “I don’t know.” “Third base!” (together). For all the thought they gave my non sequitur, their answers were meaningless, so was my response. I don’t remember if I chose yes or no. But didn’t they want to know why I asked the question? See inquisitive reader, it was to highlight the meaninglessness of philosophy, the absurdity of questions, to force a yes or no answer to something that wasn’t a yes or no question, to say something nonsensical for the sole sake of nonsense. Well if they didn’t care to inquire, then following the leadership of Bill Clinton I thought, ‘Don’t ask. Don’t tell.’ Later in the game the question was “Are smarter people more depressed?” And around the room we went and I said ‘No’. Then I was asked to elaborate on my negative. I thought, why on this question and not on mine? “And who asked?” “I don’t know.” “Third base!” (together). In response to such a trite and piffle question, I ranted. I expounded how I couldn’t possibly answer that question affirmatively even if it might be true. I didn’t have the evidence to support such a proposition and that I knew of no known correlation between intelligence and happiness. I went off on tangents about science and conclusions and observations. I raved. But what I left unsaid was the truth. I was lying! I didn’t want everyone to know the darkness of my mind. I do believe that intelligence causes depression, whether I have evidence for it or not, that the smarter one is invariably the more likely they are to be depressed. Intelligent people, if they are not deluding themselves, will realize the pointlessness of existence. That actions are meaningless. That entropy is all-consuming. That hopelessness is inevitable because our deaths are unavoidable. That cause and effect dictate our actions, that our demise is only the end to a predetermined life. That happiness is nowhere to be found. “Who is Happiness?” “Happiness is on first base.” – Zachary